I think good advice for a father to give to his only son would be, "Don't make the same mistake I made with your mother. Remember to pull out.

“They say there are 7 billion people on earth. I don't know what accountant came…”

“I love nature. It beats having to flush.”

“I’m a nail biter. Not when I’m nervous, but when I misplace my hammer.”

“I swallow my own lies with big gulps, as if quickly chugging the chance of gett…”