I think it would be funny to dye somebody’s pool red and then throw dead fish in it. And before you run out of there, you could leave a stone tablet with these words etched in: God is angry with you and has decided to go all Egypt on you.

“If Warren Buffet made chocolate, I’ll bet it’d be really rich. And corrupt.”

“I got fleeced once, by a sweater—a fleece, if you will. And won’t you? Please d…”

“I have a list of pet names for Cap’n so long that it could fill a phone book (i…”

“I have always loved camping, ever since I was eight, and was forcibly stuffed i…”