I thought it was a tree log, but it was just an erect elephant penis. But that didn’t stop me from trying to throw it on the campfire.

“I’d dig your grave with a spoon, if the earth were made of green Jell-O.”

“I just quit the Please Police. No need to say Thank You or protest or start a r…”

“My friend had sex with half of all the women in the city. I think he had sex wi…”

“I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone.”