I used to live with someone of the opposite sex. It’s called a sister, and I don’t have one.

“I’m a magician. I can make food appear—and out of my penis, no less.”

“What’s on my mind? I could say you, but we both know I'd be lying. Actually, I'…”

“Loyalty is for the dogs. Count me among the cats. And count me twice—once for e…”

“I’d rather be me being me than me trying to be my own clone. I try to stay true…”