I want a shower the size of the Sydney Opera House, because you know damn well I sing in the shower. And I might as well make millions off my cleanliness.

“If I had a funny thought and a runny nose, but only had one napkin and no paper…”

“Boob, like the object it identifies, is such a well-rounded word. It’s as if “B…”

“I asked the girl at the coffee shop out on a date. Unfortunately she said no, p…”

“The world needs more laws. I say this only because I believe the world needs mo…”