I want to be able to Foxtrot, without actually getting fur on my clothes.

“I think it would be funny to dye somebody’s pool red and then throw dead fish i…”

“I live in Florida, and when people ask how close to the beach I am, I say, “Twe…”

“I’ll leave a note in the lobby that says, “Moved. 315.” You had a meeting with …”

“The closer I get, the faster I have to go. Otherwise, I might be late to the ve…”