I want to invent a portable sink. It won’t be small, but it will be the size and shape of a car. (Best not to park it in your kitchen).

“I’m in the Just Under A Decade club. That’s how long it took me to get a four-y…”

“I cried at the funeral. It wasn’t because I loved her, it was because I was the…”

“I’m an only child, so logically I gave birth to my parents, because if it weren…”

“My OCD governs my actions like a governor, but I didn’t vote for it. No, I vote…”