I want to weigh less, not through diet and exercise, but by acquiring a faulty scale.

“Thor once took an IQ test, and he was scoring so high that the referees took aw…”

“Sandwiches come in shrink-wrap—therefore, I must masturbate with gloves on. Lun…”

“Life's too short to take yourself seriously, and too long to take a wife joking…”

“-I have this friend—you don’t know him—but—
-Is his name Molloway?
-No.
-Oh. I …”