I wanted to make her a greeting card, but as far as I got was folding the paper in half. I left it blank inside, so she’d know how much I love her. I never mailed it, because my tongue was too dry to lick the envelope closed, and my cat was too busy bathing to help out.

“I often wear camouflaged pants so when I walk I look like a floating torso. I l…”

“I wonder if the singer named Seal got his name by using his cheeks as chumming …”

“I’m a powerful being. I caused the night to turn into day. And I didn’t even tr…”

“I think eulogies are wasted on the dead. It’s the living who need to hear kind …”