I was forced to eat crow. I was so embarrassed that I would have eaten any other bird, including ostrich.

“If love were a pirate, then maybe I would wear an unopened condom over my eye, …”

“A candle that smells like asshole would be an instant hit in prison.”

“Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afrai…”

“A brick could be used to help you become an Olympic swimmer. Tie the brick arou…”