I watch basketball like I watch baseball: I don’t. I’d much rather watch grass grow. Actually, golf isn’t that bad.

“A brick could be used to ascertain the truth. And then logically, a non-brick c…”

“I’m romantic. I’ll try to make your bed while you’re still sleeping in it.”

“I’m a four-time Pulitzer Prize winning admirer. I’m also a 16-time Olympic meda…”

“Too much nudity is a turn off. Especially if all that flesh is on one person.”