I watched a bowl of fruit on the table remain motionless. Just another example of life imitating art.

“My coffee cup didn’t come with a sleeve, but that’s OK, because I’m wearing a t…”

“I keep my phone on vibrate, and I keep it close to my genitals. You should call…”

“If I owned the Grand Canyon, it would be my largest antique.”

“My advice is to never masturbate in Cockburn Town.”