I went dumpster diving the other day, and each of the judges gave me a perfect score of 10.

“I picked up a new language a few months ago. It was just laying on the ground, …”

“I speak the language of love. That’s right, I speak Russian.”

“I could tell I loved her from the moment I saw her, right after she opened the …”

“Bums are called bums because they sit on their ass all day.”