I went on a blind date—with a descendent of Helen Keller.

“A book is a vacation for the mind. My books will take you inside my mind, so fe…”

“I’m exercising my right to free speech, because it used to be obese. For years …”

“I didn’t mean to drown him. But the soup was right there, and he was just a spo…”

“My armpits are not only rank, but they’re ranked number one in customer satisfa…”