I wish I could bottle up my penis and sell it at a garage sale. But first I need to get a garage.

“I’m building a building from scratch, and I’m making it out of a giant itch.”

“When you pee in the sink, you don’t have to flush. Your hands are also right th…”

“When I see a rainbow, I think of God’s promise and how He’s keeping it. Then I …”

“For your learning disability pleasure, I’ll be playing a song backwards.”