I wish trash were treasure, because then I’d be a garbage collector and king.

“Yes, ma’am, I will take seconds. Your dinner tastes like excrement. I scream, y…”

“My asshole smells like chlorine, so I hope you brought some goggles.”

“My routine is comforting, like a comforter. But a blanket could easily be used …”

“Me mating with a midget is like a skyscraper having sex with a cathedral. But s…”