I won an Oscar. I Won it in a raffle. It’s a replica, but I still gave a teary-eyed acceptance speech. I thanked your mom for being so supportive (she’s got a back like a dining room table).

“4 am—if I’m ever up that early, it’s because I’m up that late.”

“Sometimes it feels like I’m walking around with bricks for shoes, not going any…”

“The best way to get America back to work, and reduce our deficit, is hire all t…”

“Only the living can read. This means that when I write, my target market is peo…”