I would rather make love than war, but only because condoms kill millions of lives more enjoyably.

“In my dream, the passenger seat of my car was a toilet. I guess I was on my way…”

“Bricks could be used to stock vending machines. You may be out of a home, but I…”

“She had breasts that sagged to her knees. But that's ok, because when it got co…”

“I prefer long-distance relationships. If we were dating, would you be offended …”