I would tell you I hope you find what you seek in life, but your problem is you’re not looking. The only looking you do is good looking. But really, you’re not that handsome.

“I tell people she’s a pile of apples, and that I can’t wait to get in cider.”

“I’d rather own something that’s worth millions to nobody, than something that’s…”

“My wife and I make love every night, sometimes even to each other.”

“I remember I laughed so hard I cried. But my response was half appropriate, bec…”