I would wash my clothes in the aquarium, but there’s a shark in the tank, and a bloodstain on my shirt.

“My asshole smells like chlorine, so I hope you brought some goggles.”

“I want a white car that turns red when I’m embarrassed.”

“I’m in great shape. I’m 30 years old, and I feel like I’m 29.”

“If love came out of exhaust pipes, like a penis that penetrated deep into one, …”