I wrote my name on the list 10 years ago, and under the date I wrote “In the future.” But how’d I know I’d show up, and not my clone posing as me?

“I feel with a mullet and a mustache my job prospects would improve.”

“Don’t kiss in public, unless it’s midnight and you’re both wearing black so nob…”

“I had a dream about you. We went for a ride—you on all fours, and me on your ba…”

“I thought you were her because she wasn’t here yesterday and neither were you. …”