I’d like to tweeze all the Tuesdays of the year, and all the Mondays off my chest.

“I wash my hair with strawberry jelly, because my favorite thing to eat for brea…”

“I would like an extra tight vagina, in a to-go box please. Can I get it with ex…”

“I don’t know how to make a U Turn. It’s so curvy and it’s already completely tu…”

“I left the door open so you could come in—and I could go out. That’s what being…”