I’d run 26.2 miles to eat a Marathon candy bar.

“The tire left a skid mark on the road that looked like a mustache. So I shaved …”

“If I could sleep with any literary character, I’d love to sleep with The Cat in…”

“She puts the “She” in Sheila. Who am I talking about? Why, Sheila, of course. I…”

“I want to give myself a ridiculous nickname. Something like “Knuckle Cock,” onl…”