If flowers were boogers, I'd pick a few big ones and flick them on your grave.

“I took a nap and used a napkin as a blanket. Obviously it was a small nap.
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“I’m sure I look memorable in my tuxedo, and she looks gorgeous in her wedding g…”

“I gave my girlfriend a gallon of my semen and a minivan and told her to fill it…”

“I want to get the words "Courage" and "Bravery" tattooed across my back, so peo…”