If given the choice, I’d take five ones over a five-dollar bill, because women prefer men with lots of money.

“I had a dream about you. We were in a band. I was the lead singer, guitar playe…”

“I just bought an extra large mustache, to wear as a toupee.”

“A blanket would be a great surface to print my new book on, so you could read i…”

“For my books, I do everything short of writing my own reviews. Those I do tall.”