If green carpet grew on trees instead of leaves, I’d pick off a few cats—with my rifle.

“I’d punch a guy that likes a girl 16 years younger. Especially if that guy was …”

“I was honored at the awards ceremony. I didn’t get any recognition, but I was h…”

“Sometimes I feel I’m just doing a poor impression of a person. Maybe I feel thi…”

“The book wasn’t half bad. But only because I only read half of it.”