If I had a dollar for every time a random woman walked up to me and tried to seduce me, I'd have 50 cents. That's assuming drag queens are half price.

“I am Vigalig the Destroyer. Except during the day, and then I am Gigalig the Gi…”

“Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake fo…”

“Sometimes I’ll read a book and feel it was written just for me. Then I’ll flip …”

“I always get whiplash when I have sex in the backseat. Boy, I sure wish Grandmo…”