If I were a lawyer, I’d only date women named Sue.

“The last time I went speed dating, I brought a radar gun. I got clocked at over…”

“Every morning I cheer on my Cheerios, but I don’t really want them to win. Secr…”

“If you forget your manners, you can always borrow mine. I won't be using them.”

“Birthdays are like politicians. I don’t like any of them, but they still keep c…”