If I were a waiter, and a bald guy complained there was a hair in his food, I’d say, “Keep it, compliments of the house. We all pitched in to give you that. Too bad we couldn’t come up with 80,000 more.

“If I had to live my life over, I’d live it over seas, like a cloud.”

“I won’t pick up your bad habits. They look heavy and I’ve got a bad back. Plus,…”

“I’ll tug at your breasts like a thirsty child. Try not to burn your nipples in …”

“When you carry a gun, everything starts looking like a sword. If you pass the b…”