If I were among midgets I didn’t know, I’d be afraid they’d see I was uncomfortable making small talk.

“I am Fried Quiero Loud Babcock (not bad cock), and I am here for the ranch dres…”

“I may look like someone you know. I resemble an apple pie.”

“4 am—if I’m ever up that early, it’s because I’m up that late.”

“There’s a faint whiff of feces wafting up my nostrils. But that’s natural, beca…”