If I were to come back in another life, I’d like to be reincarnated as my own clone.

“When I see a cop’s lights behind me at two in the morning, and I have my disco …”

“I wash my hands before putting them in sanitation gloves.”

“If I had three magic wishes, I’d use the first wish for one more, to replace th…”

“It is Father’s Day today. I should probably call all three of mine and say Hell…”