If love had feathers and tasted like dog food, then I suggest you wear shoes with your banana pudding. (This statement also defines my political beliefs).

“If I didn’t have any pants on, I’d let you taste my pantslessness.”

“I'm not famous, but some people know me by name. Other people know me by number…”

“My reputation precedes me. It shows up about fifteen minutes before I do, eats,…”

“If somebody kills me, at least I won’t be accused of murder. Well, assuming all…”