If love looked like a deer, smelled like a deer, and ran like a deer, then I wouldn't passively wait for it to find me. Nope, I'd seek it out at 60 MPH, and then run it over.

“I keep my phone on vibrate, and I keep it close to my genitals. You should call…”

“We have no secrets from each other, though sometimes I wish some things were mo…”

“With 87 other Elvis impersonators, I’m going to take over the world. Starting w…”

“My future, it almost looks like Christmas—red and green—stop and go.”