If love were a color, it’d be transparent, like all women’s clothing should be.

“-You don’t want to come out and celebrate with me tonight? What’s more importan…”

“Nearly all of the men I admire are dead, because admiration is fueled by myster…”

“Kick the blanket, don’t kick the bucket—especially if that bucket is full of de…”

“I’m hypoglycemic and squeamish and liable to pass out at the first sign of bloo…”