If love were a porch light, I’d be the moth. And you’d be the freshly-pressed pants I’m dying to eat.

“I paid her a little visit, and I used a coupon with the purchase.”

“The best date I’ve ever been on was March 5th, 1982, the year I was born. For a…”

“The cute girl at the bar asked for my number. I told her I’m number one. Then I…”

“Kent Ornado marries Sarah Urricane. One won’t take the others last name; instea…”