If my last name were Marriagenowsky, and I met another girl with that name, guess what I’d want to do? That’s right—get divorced.

“I dated an IRS agent, and I cheated on her. Not with a woman, but on my taxes.”

“Sometimes we can’t see what’s right in front of us, because it’s behind us, and…”

“I prefer to let my voice do all the talking for me.”

“She yawned so loudly that I wanted to use her mouth as a putt putt golf hole.”