If my nipples lactated mustard, I’d wear a bra made out of two hamburger buns.

“A brick could be used instead of a red light. They’re both red, and I’d run bot…”

“I wish trash were treasure, because then I’d be a garbage collector and king.”

“I stood under the umbrella for hours before I folded it up and started walking.…”

“Factor in the fact that factories should only hire people they make themselves,…”