If politicians lived to be only 30-years-old before dying, that’d still be 30 years too long.

“I could either buy one missile, or 88,000 cups of coffee. Both would wake me up…”

“If I run for office, my political platform will be made of wood, and it’ll be m…”

“If body language is 90% of a conversation, then obviously what’s being said is …”

“In bed, I could climb in, if you ever rest. Then I could mount you like Everest.”