If the status quo came carbonated in a can, I’d shake things up.

“I’m training for my wedding, because I’m going to be running down the aisle—in …”

“I've been able to sleep with my eyes open ever since I started watching basebal…”

“I am the alphabet soup of love. Eat me or read me, but don’t feed me to the cat…”

“I remember I laughed so hard I cried. But my response was half appropriate, bec…”