I’ll dine on apple flesh and cinnamon, while feeding you one line after another. Some lines will have salmon hooked on at the end. Then we’ll make love like two bears who’ve just discovered honey.

“I’m up for the Julius Caesar Author of the Year Award this year. I’m tremendous…”

“I type as fast as a ten-legged man who just had eight legs chopped off runs.”

“If radios and microwaves merged, then the ideal pop song would be three minutes…”

“It’s easier to start writing if you have something to write about, rather than …”