I’ll make fun of him, but I’ll call him Him, because if I use his name I’ll immortalize him. After all, who is he? He’s merely my clone.

“The only way I’ll play beer pong is if the room was a sterile room, the table w…”

“Don’t kiss in public, unless it’s midnight and you’re both wearing black so nob…”

“My advice to men is this: Don’t rape a Pringles can, because empty does not mea…”

“People always ask me if I’m into sports, and I say, “Well, isn’t writing a spor…”