I’m 30-years-old, and I still can’t get out from under my father’s shadow. He’s really tall, so maybe I’ll just ask him to move over a few feet.

“Sometimes I pretend I'm from the 19th century. Then I drive around and say, Wow…”

“I plugged the hole up with my thumb, so at least I wouldn’t sink. But it was re…”

“A brick could be used to gauge the level of reciprocated sexual interest of the…”

“It’s the same with cell phones. I never answer them up to my ear. I always put …”