I’m a natural salesman. I sold my soul to the devil. I’m so shrewd that I got pennies on the dollar for it. Ha! Wait, a buyer who gets pennies on the dollar is the clever one in the deal. Damn it! Lucifer tricked me!

“I once made love to a taco shell stuffed with rancid meat and watery tomato bit…”

“I want to type one of my books into a free online translation website, and conv…”

“I don’t put my name and address on the return address section of an envelope. I…”

“An empty bag of chips would make a great sleeping bag, if it were larger. Or if…”