I’m forced to shower in the closet, because my friend is wearing all my clothes, and he’s in the bathtub at the moment. Ah, but that’s life, no?

“My job is so boring I’m thinking of boring a second hole into my penis.”

“If it’s been more than 24 hours, you call the cops and I’ll buy the flowers. I’…”

“If you can predict the future, you can change the past.”

“Working in the hotel business I have learned a lot about people. It’s amazing w…”