I'm going to wear my birthday suit, even though it barely fits in the middle when I get excited and it stretches out.

“I didn’t want to go, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to be invited.”

“Farmers don’t picket government corruption, they picket fences. Let this be a l…”

“A woman I had sex with is carrying my child, because God has made it so that my…”

“I had nothing to eat for desert, so I ate a tube of toothpaste. The coolest par…”