I’m hoping my routine will break me out of my rut. If I keep spinning my wheels, I’m bound to become a bicycling champion.

“Falling in love should be natural, like the food at Moe’s. Baby, I am so hungry…”

“A brick could be used to tell time. And just between you and me, I hope that br…”

“The bottom of a cup of coffee is not as good as the bottom of her body—which is…”

“His name was Tom Tombstone, and if he had a middle name it was probably Death. …”