I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair tonight.

“Somebody knocked, and I’m glad it wasn’t her. I mean I want her to come, but I …”

“I’m reminded of a story I told my 5th grade class in the 4th grade.”

“I would hate to see seventeen people with monosyllabic names like Mike or Ann d…”

“If a handicapped woman says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask…”