I’m stoic like a statue of Stonewall Jackson. I’d make a great U.S. President, but I’d make an even better chiseled piece of marble—and that’s what makes me such an amazing lover.

“In the interview I was told that I’d be replacing Robert, who was a robot. The …”

“In middle school I used to draw letters of the alphabet out of contorted torsos…”

“A brick could be used as food for thought. Every politician should chew on that…”

“I have a little accent. I speak with a trace of midget.”