I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion.

“My asshole smells like burnt firewood, and I’ve got firemen calling me. But I w…”

“Dear mom, My lieutenant is a prostitute. Can you please send me more lunch mone…”

“Read people by their surroundings, their personally designed environments. Like…”

“There’s cat feces in my Batman costume, and all the lines in my screenplay were…”