In exchange for my silence, I want a box of quiet. Empty—and full.
That’s also how I like my morning coffee at night.

“If I’m going to write a book every American will want to read, it’s got to have…”

“I have two mustaches, one over each eye. They smell like tits and ass, because …”

“I thought his wooden leg was part of the table at first. My bad, buddy.”

“I work in a hotel. I know what you’re probably thinking, and no, I am not a hoo…”